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by LoonRanger

So you are finally feeling a little more settled in Australia, you arrived a while back, you have place to stay, access to transport and are slowly building that circle of friends. Sure there is still a long way to go and you are accepting of that, but things would definitely feel a little more ‘balanced' if you had someone special in your life.

Being single in Oz as a Southern Africa male is a very scary experience. And from the chats and feedback I have had it would seem the same is true for single Southern Africa women.

My own experiences have left me wondering what the hell I was thinking when I split up with my then partner (five years ago). I have likened the Aussie girls I have met to Australia's beautiful selection of parrots; beautiful to look at, but when they open their mouths their ‘squawk or screech' sends me running for the hills.

I am certainly no angel and have been accused of having the odd attack of ‘potty mouth', but I have been turned the colour of a freshly boiled lobster so regularly by these ‘Ozzetts' I now look like someone with permanent sunburn. They open their mouths to speak and my eyes close involuntary and my ears fall flat against the sides of my head like a cat waiting to be smacked for peeing on the carpet – trying desperately to avoid the ‘colourful' language about to lash my ears and burn my mind. My jaw clenches up and I can hear the cash register of my dentist ringing as he replaces yet another cracked molar.

Now I know that out there somewhere is that ‘perfect' partner for us all, but we need to be ‘out there' to meet them. Hiding in my apartment waiting for them to ring the doorbell doesn't work. Where exactly ‘out there' is thus far remains a mystery to me. One would think, reading this, I have been searching for my ‘out there' in the deepest darkest alleys in the dodgiest part of town. Not so – I am from Jo'burg and know nothing good comes out of deep dark alleys. I have been to bars, clubs, social gatherings, dating websites, sporting events and on numerous blind dates – during many of which I wished I was, in fact, blind and deaf as that would have been a blessing.

I am well aware as a Southern African male; that our species have had a very easy home life. And we are not the first choice in target acquisition category for that ‘perfect partner'. Generally we don't cook, can't iron, all have bad back problems prohibiting us from picking up that wet towel and have seen the white box that is a washing machine, but it may as well be a gynecological chair – something we have heard about, but have never had to use.

Moving countries must be very stressful on a couple, add a few kids into the equation, no hired help, no family support structure and you have a perfect recipe for creating more single people in Australia. And while I don't completely blame the lesser helpful Southern African male for the increasing rate of expat singles, they are a weighty contributing factor.

So my advice to myself is as follows: Stay positive, be open to possibilities, hope is a fantastic motivator and keep a pair of earplugs handy.

Posted in migration |
Posted by LoonRanger
20 Jul 2010

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I am a single South African woman and I must say I find the same is true for the Aussie men... we just don't seem to gel well.... even thinking of moving to Sout Africa just to meet men... a singles boatride in Sydney would be wonderful
Rating: 5 / 5
by Hannelie on 15 Sep 2010

Kevin, you are absolutely right ... we came her in the first place to have a better life ... I have found the most amazing Australian man and work with many ... we just have to let go of the past and be prepared to look deeper. Sure, I have also met a few rough diamonds, but they are in South Africa too!
Rating: 5 / 5
by Linda Pankhurst on 28 Jul 2010

I have to agree, as a South African girl I find Australian men to be unsuited to me and would rather have someone understand where I'm from and have similar values than one who does the dishes. As much as South African men have been spoilt with 'an easy home life', South African women have been spoilt with decent, well mannered men who respect them. I'm not saying Australian men don't have these qualities, I just find them to be few and far between. I have also met my fair share of Australian men who have less domestic skills than the average South African, so don't be too hard on yourselves ;) Ultimately I think you need to decide what is more important, a man who helps around the house, or one that treats you like a lady and understands where you from? For me it's the latter and according to me I'm most likely to find that in a South African guy, so I will just have to keep looking or pehaps import one on my next visit home...
Rating: 5 / 5
by Ingrid on 21 Jul 2010

Generally I don't ever comment on articles, but I just can't help myself with this one. I couldn't agree more! Of course I have the same problem coming from the opposite end of the spectrum, but honestly, where do you find decent people to date? And I know the Aussies like my accent, but it seems that cultural differences do play a huge role.
Rating: 5 / 5
by Cheryl on 20 Jul 2010

Social warfare v. Potty mouth - where do you want to be?
Rating: 5 / 5
by X on 20 Jul 2010

I'm not sure what circles you are travelling in but I come across plenty of really nice Australian ladies and am married to the best of them. Its important to move on from RSA and not compare the current to the past, enjoy the benefits of living in this lucky land.
Rating: 3 / 5
by Kevin on 20 Jul 2010

I moved here with my husband and two boys age 14 and 16 and boy o boy these Ozzie girls are something else, they throw themselves at my sons feet, they smoke, drink, swear and do other things from a very young age! I hope u find someone! Good Luck
Rating: 5 / 5
by Storm on 20 Jul 2010

As an Aussie gal, I have to agree with you. I am so embarrassed by some of my female peers in the way they carry on. I think it must go back to the 'convict' days or something that this behaviour has been passed down through the generation (now that will get the best of the potty mouthed girls going LOL). Remember birds of a feather flock together, so look at your circle of friends and ask yourself if they are introducing you to the right people. And don't settle for second best - life is way too short. But boy will it be long and boring if you're with the wrong one :)
Rating: 5 / 5
by Carey on 20 Jul 2010

Ha ha I really enjoyed the humour of that, long time since I read or saw the South African male point-of-view expressed so aptly, well done. I too am single but a single mom with a young addition to the equation so have been restricted in looking in the proverbial bars, clubs, social gatherings, dating websites, sporting events or on 'heaven forbid' blind dates. The Australian gents likewise, I would liken to our (with respect)'potty mouthed' olden day South African PF Sargent Major or longtime Sailors with all the artwork and metal gadgets I would NOT like to have to try and compete with or entertain in any manner of means. Lucky you the parrots!!!!so I also run for the hills. Being spoilt, as you put it, with paid help and our species having had a very easy home life I feel, has also conjured up respect for that help and although house-work, cleaning washing, cooking, ironing etc may not be the first thing we rush home to do, I do think it can be taught or be with the consequences. I think it more important to be in contact with someone who can understand where you're from, 'GET' the humour we have cultivated, share the hardships and challenges of the MOVE and want to live life to the full and make a new start. My experience of the SA chaps is that most of you ARE first class and with a little empathy and do-ability chucked in can well be first choice as the‘perfect partner'. Hope you find what you're looking for remember its not just FINDING the right person, but BEING the right person that counts. Take care.
Rating: 4 / 5
by BJ Nyschens on 20 Jul 2010

I am a South African girl, that had all my dreams of finding 'crocodile dundee' mixed with Mel Gibson truely smashed!!...and not into a cocktail either!I can honestly say my experience of Ozzie gals are absolutely great!(older ones I must add!!so if you are into cougars..you will find great talent!)These gorgeous gals got rid of the not so gorgeous husband...and et voila..that is what I have to work with! ...ofcourse there are good and wonderful Ozzie men...I just haven't found one yet, that is not happily married already...so hence the dilemma...I feel for you brother...
Rating: 5 / 5
by Annie on 20 Jul 2010

I'm in the same boat... and I am a good cook, can wash and iron, do housework as well as any woman; I'm often called a gentleman (my Saffie upbringing!) and yet I get more notice from overseas women! It seems the good Aussie women are all taken, or assume that, because I live here, I'm a typical Aussie bloke! Is not a lekker situation, I agree!
Rating: 5 / 5
by Ray on 20 Jul 2010

That is why The South African Club in Brisbane is arranging a boattrip on the river on request for all the single immigrants from South Africa and Zimbabwe. Contact us.
Rating: 5 / 5
by Suleen on 20 Jul 2010

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